Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
