Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
