I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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