After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
