Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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