Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
