Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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