a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
