You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
