We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
