Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am one with the molecules
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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