In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
