No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
