I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
