She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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