Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
