I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
