If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
