i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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