There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
