Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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