There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
