I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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