worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
