cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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