I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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