Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
