3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
