you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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