Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
