Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
