maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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