Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
