Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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