bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
