TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
