She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
