Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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