ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
