Me too!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
