I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sober January is a disaster.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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