Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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