Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
