There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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