were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
