either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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