Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
