i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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