I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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