she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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