What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
