he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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