WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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