I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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