I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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