Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
