I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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