When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
