You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
