You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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