im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
