I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
