she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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