Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
