did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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