The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
