Screwed.edu
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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