You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
