It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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