you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
