Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
