Define "chronic" masturbator.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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