Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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