I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
