I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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