maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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