The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
