Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
