Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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