we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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