So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
