Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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