I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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