She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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