Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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