Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
