so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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