Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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